"Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them."
Colossians 3:19
Yesterday – “Love loves those who hate us and do us wrong!”
Today:
Today, we are going to think about how we love our wives. To do this, we will move away from the world model of “manly” love to the Bible requirements for a husband loving his wife. Our Creator knows precisely what our wives need, and He tells us in His Word. Doesn’t the world say, “you can’t understand women, so why try to?”! But God’s Word demands that we men “dwell with them according to knowledge!” (1 Peter 3:7). We cannot use the world’s cop-out!
“Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them” [1] (Colossians 3:19, ESV).
“Husbands, love your wives.”
In the first place, it is to the husband that God gives the command to “love your wife.” Interestingly I cannot find a similar declaration for wives in the New Testament. The aged women are told to teach the young women how to love their husbands and children (Titus 2:3-4), but that’s not the same. [2]
What is the nature of this kind of Bible love that we men are to be giving to our wives? The ancient term is agape, and its meaning is beautiful. Let’s try to understand this kind of husbandly love.
Agape defined:
“to love, value, esteem, feel or manifest generous concern for, be faithful towards; to delight in, to set store upon” [3] (MCG).
Agape’s characteristics:
Agape is sacrificial, giving of itself.
Agape is not generally about feelings, but self-denial for the sake of the one loved.
Agape always puts the needs and interests of others before its own.
Agape does not change or quit giving when the object of its love hurts it.
Agape gives without requiring anything in return.
Agape is one-sided in that it gives and gives even to the unlovable, unpleasant, or to those who will not respond to it.
Agape can be rejected, and yet it keeps on loving.
Agape gives because it wants to provide. It is never mercenary or showing love to get love back.
Agape keeps on loving even when the object of that love is unworthy of it or is flawed and has evident challenges.
Agape is Jesus’ kind of love.
We husbands need to emulate the agape love in Jesus. We give love to our wives the same way Jesus did. We study Jesus’ kind of love.
Men, what does this all mean to me? Self-sacrificing love is how I need to treat my wife!
“…the husband’s duty to love his wife. He is commanded to love her, and this is not simply a matter of his having affectionate feelings or being sexually attracted to her. Rather, it involves his unceasing care and loving service for her entire well-being” [4] (NBC).
“Instead of treating them coldly and distantly, husbands are to treasure, affirm, and care for their wives. This is unheard of in pagan society, where manhood is expressed by harshness, intolerance, and brutality. The Christian husband is to be like Christ to his wife, laying down his life for her” [5] (TBG).
“And be not bitter against them.”
Men, let’s face it, it is so easy to fall into the habit of holding bitterness against our wives anytime they disappoint us. But any excuse I use to justify my ill feelings against my wife proves that I am not treating her with an agape kind of love, and I am disobeying God’s Word! My marriage is never a place for bitterness!
“Bitterness” pertains to harsh treatment and could be translated as “to cause bitter feelings.” Husbands must always care for their wives and never deal harshly with them (1 Peter 3:7)” [6] (CSB).
“The husband may feel perfectly justified in his harsh or unloving attitude and actions towards his wife, but he is not justified – no matter how the wife has been towards the husband” [7] (EWC).
“Accordingly, husbands are not to be embittered against their wives, whether in thought, word or deed” [8] (NBC)
“Love is learning how to treat others as Jesus did, with agape!”
Quote: “Christlike, sacrificial leadership by the husband will keep the ultimate good of his wife in view at all times. He, like godly leaders in other spheres, will seek to lead by serving” [9] (NBC).
[1] ESV is the English Standard Version of the Bible.
[2] I believe there is a reason for this difference in what God expects of men (agape love) and what a young woman is to be taught by her elders (phileo love). Sorry, we cannot talk about this now because of time and space.
[3] MCG – Mounce Concise Greek-English Dictionary, the electronic version in eSword.
[4] NBC, Peter T. O’Brien, “Colossians,” in New Bible Commentary: 21st Century Edition, ed. D. A. Carson, et al., 4th ed. (Leicester, England; Downers Grove, IL: Inter-Varsity Press, 1994), 1274.
[5] TBG, Andrew Knowles, The Bible Guide, 1st Augsburg books ed. (Minneapolis, MN: Augsburg, 2001), 636.
[6] CSB, Andreas J. Köstenberger, “Colossians,” in CSB Study Bible: Notes, ed. Edwin A. Blum and Trevin Wax (Nashville, TN: Holman Bible Publishers, 2017), 1898.
[7] EWC – David Guzik. Enduring Word Commentary, the electronic version in eSword.
[8] NBC, ibid.
[9] Ibid.